I am not who you think I am: A sinner's plea

Recently I have been watching a DVD series by Paul Tripp called Dangerous Calling. While it is geared for pastors, I thought it would be good for me to watch as I prepare myself for the pastorate (hopefully).  I thought this would be good for me, but I was not prepared for the havoc that it would wreak in my life. As I prepared myself to watch this I thought to myself, “This would be great to put on as a pastors conference. I could get a bunch of men from San Diego and Orange County to pool our money and bring Paul Tripp out here. There are so many people who need to hear this.” All the while, as I planned these grandiose schemes, God had a different plan in mind.

Dear friends, I am not who you think I am. Often times we (myself included) put our pastors, leaders and church officers up on a pedestal thinking they are “above the fray”. On many occasions I have caught myself thinking something like this: “This is not a sin to which my pastor can relate; he does not struggle with greed or lust or pride. He is my pastor after all.” Well I am sorry to disappoint you, but I am not who you think I am.

While I am a church officer who is called and set apart for ministry and I ought to be “above reproach” in my life and conduct, I have not made it yet. I fear that some people might look at me as I walk into Church with a smile on my face, happy to be where I can meet with God, and think I have it all together. Or they may ask me for counseling or advice on a specific problem they have been encountering, whether it is sin or an interpersonal struggle, and as they listen to me talk them through how the gospel transforms their lives, they may think that I don’t struggle with sin like they do. This is a problem because I am not who they think I am.

Who am I then? I am a sinner who is saved by grace. A sinner who must daily put off the sins of the flesh, whether it be greed, or laziness, gluttony, pride or lust. I am a man who is daily learning to live in the dual reality that sin’s power has been broken in me, but sin’s presence is still here. I am a man who is daily being conformed into the image of Christ, who daily must take hold of the truths of the gospel and go to battle with the "lusts of the flesh, desires of the eyes and pride in possession" (I John 2:16). A man who must remind myself constantly that I live under a new banner that reads, “Not Condemned”.

As I watch these DVD’s the introductory scene quotes Hebrews 3:12-13 “Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called ‘today,’ that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” Now this is not a DVD for regular church members, but for pastors! So why do they use these verses? Because pastors are sinners just like the rest of us. Because pastors need to be exhorted every day; pastors need the gospel too. As Paul Tripp has said before, no one is a “grace graduate” and that is the last thing we need, a pastor who is a “grace graduate”, who no longer sees the need for grace in his life.

So in light of these truths, who am I? Who do you think I am? At our last men’s retreat Milton Vincent said these poignant words, “you already know the worst thing about me, I nailed Christ to the cross.” Because you know this about me, now I can live in freedom. I don’t have to fear for what can man do to me, who will judge God’s elect?

Who am I? I am one of the men who nailed Christ to the cross, who has been forgiven, who desperately needs to be exhorted daily, who must fight against his sin. I am a man who would say with the apostle Paul “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.” (I Cor. 11:1) Follow after me, but only in the ways I display Christ to you and the watching world. Do not imitate me, in my foolishness, or my sinfulness, my arrogance or my pride. Imitate me only in the ways I imitate Christ. Pray for me in the areas where I fall into sin, that I would have a life that matched my calling, for the glory of Christ. Exhort me as long as it is called today, that together we might grow into the image of Christ.

Your brother in Christ,

Joel Fitzpatrick