A while ago I ran across a great comedy routine, and in it Brian
Regan pokes fun at those who he calls Me Monsters. This is a person who must be
at the center of every conversation. You know this person. Every story you tell
he has to tell one that is better, everything you own he owns two.
The first time I
watched this video I instantaneously thought of certain people. Then I got into
a conversation and I realized that I was a Me Monster and instantaneously I shut
up. As I went along with my day I denied my recent discovery, but the reality
started to nag me I AM A ME MONSTER!
I must be the center of conversations; I must be the center of attention. This
was a terrifying revelation. What was I going to do? Lets talk about me more…
What drives this desire in each of us to be the center of
attention? What feeds the Me Monster within?
Each of us feels the need for acceptance. Each of us has the
desire to be affirmed in our existence. We are all in need of love. Each of us
has the law within us telling us that we are not good enough, we are not
beautiful enough, we are not smart enough and the most scary part about it is
we know it is right.[1] So
we try and try to find that love and affirmation using any means necessary. We
are proud people looking to be accepted and loved.
To cope with these realities some turn to the Self-Esteem movement to find affirmation. They desire to hear others tell them how good they are and if they cannot get that
affirmation from others they attempt to affirm themselves.
Recently I have been reading a book about death and dying and the author encapsulates this thought. The author, who is also a hospice doctor, when speaking about broken relationships with a patient who is dying says,
Recently I have been reading a book about death and dying and the author encapsulates this thought. The author, who is also a hospice doctor, when speaking about broken relationships with a patient who is dying says,
Before I go, I want to give you an assignment that I want you to practice everyday. It may seem silly, but give it a try. In a quiet time of the day, when you are all alone, or at night when you’re relaxed, lying in bed before sleep, close your eyes and say to yourself ‘I am not a bad person.’… After you’ve mastered ‘I am not a bad person,’ you graduate to ‘I am a good person.’[2]
The author sums it all up on the next page when he tells the
patient, “You weren’t raised to feel good about yourself just for being who you
are.” The doctor touches on something insightful here, we are not raised to
think that we are good enough, because we are not. Our works, no matter how
good they are or how plenteous they are, just aren’t enough to gain the love we
need because they are always temporary.
So we go turn to Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to show the
world that we are really cool, fun people. We post photos of our kids, or tell
others about the great restaurant we are eating at, all the while looking for the affirmation and attention from others that we desperately need. The law rings out you are not
cool enough, you are not good enough, nobody loves you, and yet we try harder and
harder. We try to show people that we are worthy of their love. We try desperately to prove our worth by having bigger and better things, after all "he who dies with the most toys..."
In his book Mere Christianity C.S. Lewis aptly describes the function of pride as a constant drive for affirmation.
In his book Mere Christianity C.S. Lewis aptly describes the function of pride as a constant drive for affirmation.
Pride
gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than
the next person. We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or
good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or
better-looking than others. If everyone else became equally rich, or clever, or
good-looking there would be nothing to be proud about.[3]
Tim
Keller in his little booklet The Freedom
of Self-Forgetfulness describes the situation like this,
What
we are all looking for is an ultimate verdict that we are important and
valuable. We look for that ultimate verdict every day in all the situations and
people around us. And that means that every single day, we are on trial. Every
day we put ourselves back in the courtroom.[4]
So what are we to do? How can we put to death the Me Monster
inside that is constantly looking for affirmation? Where do we go to hear the
“ultimate verdict” that tells us we are loved and valued more than we can ever
imagine?
We look to the life, the cross and the empty tomb of the one who was, is and always will be good enough. We look to Christ! Throughout Christ’s time on earth he was declaring to us God’s love for his chosen people (Jn. 3:16; Rom. 5:8). Because of his love for us, his perfect life is
given to us so that we don’t have to worry about whether or not God accepts us.
Because God accepts Christ, and we are united to Christ through Faith, God
accepts us. There is no more proving yourself to God or to anyone else because
it is “God who justifies” (Rom 8:31ff).
Through Christ's death God handed down the verdict and showered
us with his grace and love. On the cross God the Father’s very Son was
crucified for you. The one “to whom and through whom all things were created”
the one who shared perfect communion with the Father was sacrificed for you,
because you are that valuable to him. When Christ dying on the cross uttered,
“It is finished” the verdict came in “Therefore there is now no condemnation
for those who are in Christ Jesus.” So you no longer need to fear what will
happen if you are not good enough, Christ has borne God’s wrath for his people, and you are now free from the slavery of sin. So now you too can live a life where you try to follow God. But that is not all. When Christ was nailed to the cross you and all your sins were nailed with him, you have died with Christ, you were raised with Christ and now you live in Christ.
At the empty tomb we see that Christ has already conquered
death for you. He went to the grave and descended into hell, FOR YOU! Yes, you
are more sinful than you ever dared believe. But in Christ you are more loved
than you could ever imagine. And now that death is conquered there is a place for
you reserved in heaven, there is an eternal inheritance preserved in heaven FOR
YOU! (Jn. 14:1–7)
This truth sets you free from the incessant cycle of trying
to prove yourself to yourself, others or God. God has given you all things, and
if that is true than every desire you or I have to gain affirmation can be
found and satisfied in Christ.
Like
Paul, we can say, ‘I don’t care what you think. I don’t even care what I think.
I only care about what the Lord thinks.’ And he has said, ‘Therefore, there is
now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus’, and ‘You are my beloved
child in whom I am well pleased’.[5]
Because of Christ we now have all that we ever could need. Because of Christ's love for us we are secure. Because of Christ we have the ability and the power to live new lives,
and to be free of the Me Monster within.
[1]
Here I am not only speaking of God’s Law as summarized in the 10 commandments. I am also speaking about the law that is within each of us, that
accuses us, that condemns us and the law that society puts on us telling us
that we must be something we are not.
[2] Dying Well Ira Byock, M.D. p 104–105
[3]
C.S. Lewis Mere Christianity quoted
from Tim Keller The freedom of
self-forgetfulness p 18.
[4]
Tim Keller The freedom of
self-forgetfulness p 38
[5] Keller
p 44
